I didn't want a son. Didn't know what to do with one. He tore me up during a home-birth and as my hubby put it "destroyed my body". Two years passed and I disliked him as much as he disliked me. He didn't want to be held and I hated that he was mal-content. This week is his third birthday. We are madly in love. We were never diagnosed but we got through the saddest time of our lives together. Now, so effortlessly embraced, I dance on rainbows while feeling pain for anyone who holds this common secret. Keep waiting for the change. It will come when you least expect it.